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My Life as a D3 Player: The End of Colorado College Football

UPDATE: For those interested in helping to save our program, please visit this site: www.saveccfootball.com

This is, without a doubt, something I never thought I’d be writing. In an attempt to collect my thoughts on the subject, I’ll recount yesterday’s events from my perspective. It’s definitely going to be a long post, but hopefully it will be enlightening both to myself and those who read it.

Yesterday we all received an email from Coach Bodor telling us to show up in the gym at 4PM for an important meeting. I actually heard about the meeting while eating lunch, because I had just gotten out of my second day of Elementary Italian and hadn’t checked my email yet. There was mild speculation as to the purpose of the meeting; some of us thought it might be to announce the promotion of Coach Cook to offensive coordinator, others thought it might be Coach B chewing us out for not getting enough offseason workout participation. Regardless, none of us expected much out of the meeting.

I made my way back to my dorm and performed my usual routine of checking email, Facebook, etc. I read Coach B’s email, and saw something odd about it: he had copied our Athletic Director, Ken Ralph, on the email. This piqued my curiosity. Usually whenever someone copies their boss on an email to others, it’s to prove that they actually sent the email as promised. I wasn’t necessarily worried to see Ken’s name there, I just thought it was a meeting Ken wanted Coach B to hold, probably something logistical.

An hour or two later, I headed across campus early to stop by the bookstore and pick up a dictionary for my class. Afterwards I checked my phone to see how much time I had before the meeting, and saw that since I had left my phone on silent mode from class I had missed a call from my former o-line coach, Carlos Rivera. (I always told Carlos I’d write about him in my blog, I never thought this would be the occasion on which I first dropped his name.) Carlos had left a cryptic voicemail letting me know he’d do whatever he could to help me out.

I didn’t know what exactly he was saying, but I figured he was referring to the upcoming meeting. I sent him a text: “hey man we’re about to have the meeting in 30 minutes i’ll let u know what happens.” He responded with: “Sorry to hear that. Def let me know what happens.” His response confused me. To be honest, deep down I think I knew right then that our program was getting cut. I suppose I didn’t want to believe it.

I continued my denial as I passed the gym and saw no one there; it was still only about 3:30. I passed by the auxiliary gym and saw Joe Karwin alone, shooting hoops. Figuring I had some time to kill, I joined him. Talk eventually turned to the upcoming meeting, and we wondered about the faint chance of our program getting cut, but turned away from the possibility immediately, as if simply speaking of it would make it happen.

Eventually it came close to meeting time, and I headed into the main gym and sat in the bleachers with some teammates. I noticed some female athletes congregating in another section; this, along with the sign on the door that read “GYM CLOSED 4:00-5:30 ATHLETIC MEETING” made me think that this would be some boring meeting involving our AD and all the athletes. I felt comfortable about the impending meeting until one of my teammates pointed out: “Shit dude, that’s the softball team over there.”

I began to feel that sinking feeling in my gut. The softball team was known for having issues even putting a team together early on in the year. Signs across campus, on dining hall tables, cried out for women to join the softball team. During the football season I heard several guys wonder: If they decide to cut softball, would we be the next logical choice? The answer was yes. The way we saw it, we were 50-ish kids who required money for coaches, equipment, and especially traveling. The cost to fly our entire team to every away game and put us up in a hotel is astronomical. But our worries went away. Softball ended up fielding a team, and a pretty strong one at that. We figured nothing would ever come of it.

Until I saw the Softball team sitting on the other side of the bleachers. I started to panic a little bit. The guys told me to calm down, it was probably nothing. Then someone noticed Doug, our equipment manager, up high in the stands with the coaches wearing a look I’d never seen before. We all started panicking inside when we saw Doug. He’s a football guy through and through, an All-American at Colorado who played in the NFL and CFL. He’s the equipment manager for all D3 sports at CC, but football is undoubtedly his favorite.

Karwin said something to the effect of, “Next thing you know, [president] Dick Celeste is gonna come walking in here.”  He was joking, but seconds later any semblance of humor evaporated when Celeste entered the gym and made his way to the front of the stands. You could almost hear everyone’s hearts simultaneously hit the floor. I couldn’t even move, feeling a shock that rocked me to my core like nothing in my life ever has. I literally felt sick to my stomach as Celeste began a tirade about the economy and costs and endowment and program cuts and broken dreams. All in all, he said, CC would be cutting Softball, Football and Women’s Water Polo to keep the other programs working in a manner that CC could be proud of.

Ken talked to us for a while, but nobody really cared what he had to say. A girl from the water polo team asked him a few unnecessary questions, but all of the football players remained silent. After a winless season, we knew how to deal with heartbreak. We just didn’t know what to do about this one.

Coach B took us up to a meeting room on the third floor. The room was silent, save for the sound of a few players sobbing. I could feel the hot tears streaming rapidly down my face, but I kept my jaw clamped and fixed my eyes on the table beneath me.

“I don’t really know what to say, guys,” Coach began. “There’s nothing in the coach’s manual for this.” He then spoke about how he would help us do whatever we needed to do. “If you want to transfer, we’ll do what we can to help make that happen. If you want to stay here, I know CC is a great academic institution and some of you might opt to do that.” He continued to speak, pausing for up to 10, 15 seconds at a time. “I didn’t recruit you guys for this,” he said. “I feel responsible, and all I can say is I’m sorry.”

From then on, I don’t remember too many specific details. Since I don’t drink, I headed to my dorm’s convenience store for cookies and soda. I typically try to eat healthy and I don’t drink soda, but since getting blasted and destroying a table is not an option for me, I opted to go the female route of drowning my sorrows: food. I was watching ESPN in Osborne and Goodspeed’s room a couple sleeves into my package of cookies when Carlos called. “Don’t you hate it how I’m right about everything?” he asked. “Yes,” I replied. Carlos had encouraged me to fill out transfer applications months ago, predicting a downfall before the end of my playing career. I didn’t listen to him. I wish I had.

As soon as I heard the news, I knew I had to transfer. Football means almost everything to me, and I couldn’t live with myself not knowing I’d exhausted all playing opportunities. To be honest, I don’t know how I’m going to live without football once my senior season is over. So to not play my remaining three seasons would be the biggest regret of my life. Since that phone call from Carlos, it’s been a real blur. I talked to two coaches from other programs that night, one of them calling me minutes after I sent a late night email to prospective programs. In the day since, I’ve spent more time talking to coaches on the phone than I have spent on the phone with my mom for the last two months. In addition to going to class and studying, I’m trying to get transfer applications done before their impending deadline. I’d say I have about a month to figure out where I’m going to spend the next three years of my life, when just yesterday I was getting ready to work out with my team and prepare for another season of CC football. It’s like coming home for dinner one night and being told you can’t live with your family anymore.

Thus, the main sentiment continues to be the surreal nature of this whole situation. We had no rumors, no warning. Our coaches didn’t even know football was being dropped until yesterday morning. We have recruits committed to come here and play for a team that no longer exists. The most surreal and jarring aspect of this whole thing is that, in a matter of seconds, I lost my family here as I knew it. Of my friends who I’d gotten to know so well, I’ll maybe see a few once the school year’s over. Maybe one or two will even transfer to the same school as me, but I doubt it. I might talk with my coaches occasionally via email or phone, but I’ll be just another ex-player. Now instead of dreaming about what we’ll do at CC next year, I’m scrambling to get teacher recommendations, transcripts and FAFSA forms. All the while I can barely stand to think about trying to find the same kind of family elsewhere. It makes me feel scared and weak. It’s sapped my energy completely. I’ve lost my appetite and I eat sparingly. I sleep more than I used to. This is undoubtedly a period of grieving for me, and to have to look for another place to go to school makes it even worse.

I’m coming to terms with the fact that the of brothers I’ve gained here at CC, I’ll most likely never see most of them again after I leave here. It continues to break my heart and soul. In those few seconds everything in my college life got turned upside down. Dollar signs aside, the athletic department did not drop a football program yesterday. They ruined a family. I pray that someday I will get over this, but I doubt it will be any time soon.

Questions? Comments? E-mail me at chris@thed3experience.com All original material copyright © 2008-2009 Chris Jarmon

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19 Responses to My Life as a D3 Player: The End of Colorado College Football

  1. Ask the leadership coach » My Life as a D3 Player: The End of Colorado College Football | The …

    [...] unknown posted a noteworthy aricle today onHere’s a small snippetAfterwards I checked my phone to see how much time I had before the meeting, and saw that since I had left my phone on silent mode from class I had missed a call from my former o-line coach, Carlos Rivera. (I always told Carlos I’d … [...]

  2. D3football Daily Dose » Blog Archive » View from the inside at Colorado College

    [...] Chris Jarmon, who has been blogging since choosing Division III on a blog we’ve previously cited called The D3 Experience, tells the story of Colorado College football being eliminated. [...]

  3. Wildcat11

    Heartbreak story my man and I hope that you’ll be able to find your way to another program. Best of luck and keep posting about this experience.

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  5. Josh

    Sorry to hear about the program being dropped. Rugby is a sport that could help you fill the loss you are currently feeling.

  6. Rob

    Keep your head up brother. I had something similar happen to me and my basketball career two years back. Don’t focus on how your life is changing, spend the time enjoying your last days at CC.

  7. TigerDad

    Chris … a heartbreaking story, to be sure. Thanks for taking the time to share it with us. Just remember that everything happens for a reason … perhaps you will find that you can see this is true before this time next year. Hope to see you on the field again soon!

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    [...]The cost to fly our entire team to every away game and put us up in a hotel is astronomical. But our worries went away. Softball ended up fielding a t[...]…

  9. Brian Haack

    I was very disappointed for you, your teammates and coaches when I heard about your program being tabled. Even in our disappointments and broken hearted moments, the Lord God is on his throne, and everything will be ok. You guys keep your chins up.

    Brian Haack
    Trinity (TX) coach from 2004-2007

  10. Adam

    Chris,

    Thank you for your candor in this story it really allowed me to feel what was going on. Reading this reminded me of when I was cut from my college baseball team after a coaching change. It was the end of a dream and to this date could be the worst day of my life. I assure you that in team the wounds will heal and looking back you will realize you have become a better person from it. Consider this hitting a new max squat weight for your psyche. Good luck at your new school.

  11. Bob L

    Hang in there. Some time, some day it will make sense…. Focus on the positives you have (your health, smarts, future, opportunities) and it will all fall into place.

  12. Ernie Watson

    I’d steer clear of Carlos — sounds a little creepy/negative. Remember, the Lord works in mysterious ways… hang in there and the day will come when it all makes sense. Great piece you wrote, thanks for sharing it. I feel lucky to have found it while doing a Google search about CC cutting football.

  13. Brian S

    Chris,

    I understand your love for the game and your desire to play out the next three years. The effort to make it happen will be worth it. I don’t know what your geographic considerations are, but check out St. Olaf College in Northfield, MN. Its similar to CC.

    In Him.

  14. Scott

    Being Trinity Dad, we had such a great time visiting your school. We were treated first class by all. I’m disappointed we won’t get to return the hospitality to y’all this year.

    I am so sorry this has happened to you guys. I wish you the best in whichever direction you choose. Tell some of those kids to come on down to TX. Plenty of D3 teams to play for and not too terribly far from CO. Good luck and God speed.

  15. CHRIS WITT

    Chris
    I feel your pain, grief, and lack of connection to your current college without a football program. I played WR and QB at CC from 1997 to 2001. While we never finished with a winning record on the field, each of my teammates that I played with throught the years brought many positives to the CC campus. I would never even have went to CC if not for the football program. I feel your frustration deeply and know the time and dedication it takes at CC to be a scholar/athlete. Remember the love of the game is the true draw to Div III athletics and make wise choices in the next few months. I’ve been out of CC for a while now, but may best friends in the world are the guys I played ball with–support of the school or not. God bless you and your teammates and coaches.

  16. Alvarez

    Jarmon although the loss of appetite is probably a good thing. You know that I wont just let you get out of my life for forever. You always got family up in E-Town or wherever life find me. Love you buddy!

  17. Alvarez

    Sorry for all the grammatical mistakes in that post Jarmon. Perhaps you could edit it for me. Come to think of it maybe this is why they got rid of CC football.

  18. Avante S.

    I understand the pain of losing such a great game. And not just losing the game but losing ur “Family”. In Tx winning a state championship is a glorious, and amazing thing. And go after it is a hard thing. After me and my time lost in the State Quarters, it felt like someone had just ripped my heart out! I cried not jus because we didnt go all the way to state, but because the team we lost to, had just destroyed a family, MY FAMILY! Keep ur head up God has sumthing great instore for you! You just have to be ready to recieve it!
    Signed Avante Smith
    Future HSU Cowboy

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